There were a number of reasons for letting go of NEN; the purpose of the journal originally had been to track my recovery process through a manner of less-than-happy addictions and troubles, and I the more I moved forward in my life, the less I wanted the repository or monument of my struggles to define who I was. This is not to say I'm somehow denying my past; rather, I feel I'm so much more that now, and I don't want my earlier challenges to precede who I am now. Also, my school and later job meant that I could no longer be as candid as I'd been in the past: I had the privacy of others to be aware of.
In any case, I've missed the process of writing as myself for even a minor audience, and I feel grounded enough now, here, to start thinking about re-starting the practice. It seems all the more essential, too, given the number of projects I'm involved with, that I create a public space for myself in which to keep checking in with my committment to myself and to others. After all, I believe whole-heartedly in the value of sharing one's path.
I've found myself putting an unusual amount of time recently into pushing myself to define what it is I want from life, to making my values explicit, and to actively writing down my goals and desires. I'm looking forward to writing more about this process, but for now, I'll share only the vision by which I've directed my life for the past six months. I came up with this statement at the urging of a fellow ITP graduate, who made explicit to me the difference between a mission statement, which has more to do with your objectives and how you intend to reach them, and a vision statement, which has more to do with the way in which you want to live your life. I've found that my own quick statement serves as a reminder of how I want to behave on a day-to-day basis, helping to ground and clarify my actions.
I live my life with awareness, assurance, and compassion, loving myself so that I might help increase the capacity of others to be aware, to love, and to be loved. I create connections. I commit to peace.
I'm tempted to write some kind of disclaimer here, about how even a year or two ago I would have rolled my eyes at such a silly exercise -- and even more so at the embarrassingly sentimental results -- but I've gained a firm and intensely experiential understanding of the power of really and truly accepting oneself, and my vision is something I believe in deeply.
I may come back and write a little more about the process of discovering (or creating: use what works for you) a vision statement; if not, I'll move on to values next. It's funny: I sat down with the intention of jotting a few words. It turns out I have more to say than I thought. At this point, though, this should not surprise me.
posted by Siona
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